We hit The Danforth on Friedeggs and saw a gigantic new building going up across the street from Allen's. Pretty sad, the thing is practically the size of a Wal-Mart. Enjoy The Danforth while you can, my guess is there will be a Winners doing in shortly, i wouldn't be surprised if there already is one, stealing all the boys from the local Greek delis.
A huge and hugely weird group of people were lined up in front of us, somewhat shielding us from the jubilant Turks. Apparently they won a soccer match in Europe or something. There were about four vehicles, fourty seven Turkish flags, and they kept circling. If any country in the world wins anything anywhere and its summertime in Toronto, the flags and horns will be out.
Tanzania crowned tiddlywinks champs of south east Africa? Check. Nicaragua wins the title of the Latin American cockroach stamping championship? Yonge Street will be jammed up with revelers dancing la cucaracha from Queen to Eglinton. All of these impromptu celebrations are great of course, with the exception of Caribana. Avoid that like the plague. Leave town if possible. One year I escaped to someplace safer, downtown Detroit. This is the absolute truth gentle readers!
Anyway, we tried to figure out what the strange group of people passing by on their way into The Music Hall was going to see. Somebody used their Blackberry. Then we actually spoke to someone and asked them. They repeated the name of the act a couple of times, but we still weren't clear. "Opera? Pop?" I thought of pretending to be security and asking to see someone’s tickets, just to find out who was playing. The procession of ticket holders seemed to be a weird Christian crowd, as they all had that "just shot up with God" look. There’s only one thing that can make one’s eyes that glossy and empty, especially en masse. The God Drug scourge strikes again!
After finally looking it up, it turns out to be some jackass identical twins calling themselves Ryan Dan. They're probably big with the American Idol crowd or something. Somewhere there must be a shoe shiner counting his tips and thanking his lucky “Stars”. I hear former Star Search host Ed McMahon filed for bankruptcy recently. “Broke-oh!”
We hit a bar at Yonge and Davisville on the way home, and it stunk worse than our green bin. It was SO stinky in there that I broke my rule about leaving a bar after only one drink. More soccer though, they had a framed Ally McCoist jersey upstairs.
We noticed a display of bongs in the window of the convenience store around the corner. One of them was soccer themed, a “futbol “being the base. I nearly went in to buy it, or see it, hold it in my hands, I don’t partake of the 4:20, but it was just that bizarre! Ricky can you hear me? Anyway, a soccer bong is far more acceptable than a soccer mom in This Mayor’s town!
The next twenty four hours or so were spent relaxing, decompressing. This afternoon, I walked back over to Yonge and Davisville. The new Sobey’s is up and running and The Liz is gone. Long Live The Liz!
I actually entered the subway, the plan being to head up to Eglinton, then hit the beer store and grocery store. Waiting for the train, I remembered that I want to see the Joy Division movie Control. An article in NOW gave it a bad review, but gave a documentary called Joy Division a great review. A friend of mine I trust highly recommended Control, so I left the subway and hit the video store back up on the street.
A girl stopped me and very, VERY shyly asked me a question. Her English was broken, and she was a close talker. So close in fact I thought she was trying to kiss me. That wouldn’t have been such a bad thing, she was young and white and cute. She asked me if she could ask a question. I always think “you already have” when people say that, but said “yeah sure, go ahead!” as I stepped backwards, hands making sure my wallet was in a secure location. After giving her directions to Davisville subway station “Cross the street and turn left.” she said “I’m sorry, I’m not from America.”
At first it seemed cute and a little flattering, the “Junior” part being dropped from my country for a change. But then I wondered if she had meant “don’t be afraid of me, I’m not a gangsta.” Or was she so lost she was enquiring about a subway stop in South Dakota or something. I can’t wait for the automated voice to say “Iowa is the next stop. The next stop will be Des Moines.” Next time I’m wiped out on acid, cruising the TTC for kicks. Maybe she was just stoned.
There was no sign of Joy Division, and all copies of Control were out. Once again, the movie “Super High Me” looked like it would be entertaining for about 90 seconds, and I nearly picked up that Bob Dylan movie, “I’m Not There”. I once again toyed with renting it, but came to my senses when I read an extra feature as being “on screen lyrics” or something. Dumb it down to the bouncing ball! One of the reasons I hate Dylan is one of the reasons I hate potheads, and for that matter Jesus Freaks who go to events like Ryan Dan. These fuckers are positive they have all the answers, and all of life’s riddles can be rolled up and answered with one simple truth. I don’t believe that we weren’t put on this planet to dumb ourselves down, and I don’t believe that we were put on this planet to become slaves to mind numbing drugs like Bob Dylan or marijuana or Jesus Christ.
Too many good people have been turned into zombies by those mind crippling substances. If it were up to me, I wouldn’t put Jesus, Dylan or even the potheads in front of a firing squad. Instead, I put them on the other end of the gun and make them the shooting squad. I’d supply the ammo at Shoot The Freak. Free unlimited paintballs for all three freaks, the most respectable person being The Freak himself!
Oh well, another weekend has come and soon will be gone forever as well, and still the Giant Lenin Head remains elusive!
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